


the quarter of a three

by starinjun (blackeu)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, bestfriends huang renjun/lee jeno/na jaemin, but please let me know if it gives you the wrong idea and i should delete it!, i'm putting the relationship tag since i think friendship is also a type of relationship, i'm sorry :], just jaemin doubting himself :], kinda really really really minor noren i guess, there's no solution (yet), this is what happens when i'm sad at 1am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 05:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20615897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackeu/pseuds/starinjun
Summary: perhaps it was the green-eyed monster in him, but jaemin couldn't help but feeling way too left out of what was supposed to be a three-way best-friendships





	the quarter of a three

**Author's Note:**

> if you're actually reading this i'm sorry :]  
and please ignore if it doesn't makes sense

He couldn’t really remember when it started to change; where instead of being a trio, it felt as if it had already became two of them, and him. Instead of Renjun Jeno Jaemin, it became Renjun Jeno, and Jaemin. Perhaps it had always been like that, perhaps he was the one being dumb enough not to see it.

The three of them had always been the best of friends as long as they’ve been alive; knowing each other practically since they were born and just sticking with each other since then. They cried together, played together, caused mischief together, get grounded together, entered their first grade to high school together, and were now almost graduating that said high school also together, and yet the times where he felt as if the word “together” didn’t include him in it was getting to his head.

It wasn’t anything big, and probably something that others would probably never batted an eye on, but the way how the other two had started to always, always choose each other over him was really getting to his head. How they would go to each other first for projects, how they would accompany each other if one of them had to do any errands, and yet not making any attempt to accompany him with his.

But he couldn’t even blame them when he was the one who would always say that “it’s alright!”, when he was the one that acted as if being alone didn’t really bother him that much. Bit by bit he started to feel as if perhaps he didn’t belong with them anymore, that perhaps they’re getting sick of being his friends. Perhaps their current together is just the two of them, and not including him anymore. 

Sometimes he felt as if he had to distance himself away from them, and yet he knew he was too attached. That living without them both wouldn’t be the same. ‘It’s not that bad,’ he would tell himself. ‘Both Renjun and Jeno care about you! They still treat you mostly the same way. So what if you’re a second choice? It’s not that bad! They’re your bestfriends.’ And yet, he could still feel the bitter taste of being the leftover.

“Jaem, are you okay?” The question brought him back to earth, causing him to stare directly at Renjun watching him with something akin to worry In his eyes.

“Of course! What makes you think I’m not Junnie?” he asked back, smiling his usual easy smile. The three of them were in Renjun’s house, supposedly studying for a big exam coming soon, but instead watching some re-runs of a show he couldn’t really recall at that moment.

“You look distracted,” the smaller boy answered back hesitantly, his eyes slightly darting to Jeno. Jaemin couldn’t help but started feeling bad, maybe he was the one causing the other two to distance themselves from him? Maybe he was the one straining their friendship, making them worried over him like this, and yet not knowing what to do.

“Nana, are you sure you’re okay? You know you can tell us if anything bothers you, right?” Jeno’s voice was soothing as always, but Jaemin couldn’t help his thought. ‘But you guys are the thing that’s bothering me can’t you see it? Stop leaving me out, please.’ He could feel his anxiety going overdrive with the way his thoughts started going haywire again, but he swallowed whatever negative feelings that was trying to spill out, and smiled.

“Of course! I mean, I only have you guys as my bestfriends so I don’t really have any other choice,” he answered, shrugging and feigning a sullen face, as if he was dejected of his lack of options.

“Oh god, now I regret actually worrying about you. Jeno, turn off the TV. Let’s actually study,” Renjun said, shaking his head and throwing a small pillow towards Jaemin. Jeno only watched the two of them, and Jaemin noticed that most of his focus was on Renjun, with a fond smile on his face. Jaemin just laughed while trying to hold back the bile that was slowly rising again.

He then stood up and started going out of the room. “Jaemin get your ass here and revise your notes!” Renjun’s voice could be heard. Jaemin only laughed and headed to his destination, the dark clouds already clouding his mind more than what should be allowed with both Renjun and Jeno in the same vicinity as him.

He knew perhaps it’s just the green-eyed monster in him eating him alive; putting all these thoughts that he didn’t matter, that they’re probably trying to get rid of him because he would never be enough, that he was just a nuisance. And yet it didn’t make it any better. He knew that all these thoughts weren’t healthy, and that he should try to communicate with them, to asked them whether if his bad thoughts were the truth, or if it was just that; merely a bad thought. He knew keeping all these thoughts to himself was a bad move, as he could feel both his anxiety and overthinking inclining day by day. 

He knew it, and yet, the coward in him didn’t have the guts to do it yet, to take another step for the better or for worse. Maybe he'll have the courage for that someday, but today was surely wasn't that day.


End file.
